The Empty Head Series

Dear Empty head,

I have noticed you are in need of a job, so I am offering you a job in Africa that pays $6 an hour and we will also take care of flight expenses to get out here, lodging, and food, also we would like to remind you that if we see a lot of potential in you that it is most likely you will be upgraded to SI (savage instinct) and will be paid $15 a hour.

-African government

PS: You will start as a NSI (not to savage instinct) you are expected to be on a B14 9pm may 8^th at the grail airport.

Now that’s one job I wont miss! Cant miss! welp I better start packing for tomorrow (that's the 8th) first tho I will make my list.

Empty Head's List

-15 pair underwear

-1 computer

-4 game boys

-1 big screen TV set

-5 toothbrushes

-1 pair jeans

-2 t shirts

-3 pair socks

-swimming suit

-3 coats

-5 1 liter soda bottles

-15 DVDs

-matches

Now that the list was done I went to my closet, got my suit case and my wagon then I loaded the TV into the wagon and then packed the rest of my stuff into my huge suit case, and when I finished loading the stuff into the suit case I heaved the suit case into the wagon with the TV.

The next day when I arrived at the airport the person in charge at the weight machine thingy said it would cost $1000 to take my TV, and so what I do is just pay the fine and go on my way with my duffel bag. later after asking 2 people and paying 1 official $50 I found the B14 and once I was on I looked back at the ticket that came in the mail and saw “baby aisle seat 5”, so then I ended up paying an official on the plane $20 to show me where that is and to my disgust I ended up right next to the bathrooms and to my biggest disgust it was a three seat aisle and there was a fat women taking up the two extra seats and, what was worse was that she had a screaming two year old who was half on my lap and half on hers so after hard thinking I decided it was best just to sit in the bathroom (there was only one) so then later when I was in the bathrooms I heard the engines start and then I got really excited because I got a job, but what was extra special was that I might be able to repay the bank (I was in debt).

After I was in the bathroom I actually decided that I might want to rethink and get back to my seat till the airplane took off, and right when I was going to unlatch the door to go out I was thrown into the wall and got stuck there. once the airplane smoothed out I decided to get myself unstuck so after pushing with my hands really hard I flew off the wall. then I was shocked to realize that a piece of the wall about half a square foot was stuck to my face! And so then I pulled really hard and once it was off I realized I tugged so hard it made my face look like this

The only thing that comforted me was that I succeeded in getting it off and, when I looked on the ground my face turned pale for low and behold! I found a huge mess of white stuff that fell down from the wall, stained the floor, which made me end up having a reaction I never had before which strangely was to clean! And so I immediately began slapping myself for even thinking of cleaning since that would take my pride down a step. but on second thought I decided it better then coming out. as there would probably be a line I thought it would be better to take down my pride, then embarrass myself and so I felled on to the cleaning side of thought as I only knew how to imagine. also the floor did not need to be cleaned more then my face needed to be fixed.

Knock Knock BANG! KICK! RATTLE! LET ME IN I GOT TO GO BAD! Sorry misses cant come in. now of course I usually would let someone in, but right then it was a big mess inside and my face was a disaster so I decided it not right for a lady to come inside and to my ears disgust I decided to let her keep yelling her head off.

Sir please pretty please (that’s the women again this time begging) miss I think your plum sweet right now so I will do a deal with you (that’s me talking) thanks mister what’s the deal? The deal is miss you come back here in say... 30 minutes? and you can come in ok? NO! I NEED IN NOW!!!!

Sorry miss I am not Santa but you can wait till 30 minutes are up right? Well anyway you have to (the women stopped her persuasion then and I heard a heavy thump as she sat down, and it was then I realized that she might make a good Santa wife at the Redding fair so then I made my grand mistake...decision (I did not realize this was my life at stake) but anyway that is Santa's decision not mine. and think about since after all Santa should make the decision but I guess with a little bit of prodding, it might make Santa more on the taking of her. so I would just ask her if she liked my idea even if it was rude.

But now I had a job to do (cleaning) um, um, um, um, um, uh hum, I think I should pick up a bottle of lavender (just then I did not know it was lotion but I found out later) just then I thought that if I just got water to mix it with. the lavender would be perfect! So then I poured it onto the floor and rubbed it with my shoes. but it just got dirtier! and dirtier! (I had on my mucking shoes) so then after five minutes hard thinking I decided my mix of what I thought cleaning materials, needed to be heated up. so I then looked for a window to climb thru so that the fat women would not get in and when I didn’t find any I quietly opened the door then slid thru the door and closed it after me.

By the time I made it to my seat (I had pushed 4 kids who dived for the door which ended up blocking the fat women who moved really sluggishly, and then I punched a man coming thru the group which there could be no mistake as to where he was going) I had a bloody nose, a hurt fist, and last but not least a rearranged face.