One day when I was driving through town looking for a job I spotted out a sign that said $20 a hour, 2h a day, 6 days a week, at the 'ranch that vorks'. The next day I drove over to the ranch to see if I could get the job, and found out I had it before I even came. Boy, they thought I was good they even parked my car for me and locked the gate behind me. After a minute this fat guy in overalls came over spitting tobacco juice over his shoulder every now and then and he showed me what I was supposed to do and no wonder it paid so well! I had to dig trenches all around the inside of his property's fence line, then I had to dig a moat around his house and then I had to get on a horse and ride around his property with a gun and directions to shoot anything that tried to jump his fence.
Finally I got fed up and threw my spurs into the horse and turned toward the house. The horse didn't like that and bucked all of my body off accept for my hand's which where still gripping the reins. I guess when my boss saw the horse come running in with my hands still trying to stop the crazy thing, he thought that a terrorist attack happened or something.
When I woke up I found myself in a strange bed with someone leaning over me, and immediately tried to punch the guy but to no avail, since I couldn't find my hands. When the guy saw me searching for my hands he handed me a pair from inside his pocket, I thanked him and told him I wanted my pay. Well I got my $40, hands, watch (I guess that was so that I didn't know when I overworked), car, new job (I got to boss these tough looking guys who where in my ditches), and unlimited targets to shoot that kept climbing his fences.
Well, my boss got his crop of cherries going again, the detectives had a case of disappearing kids where to figure out, and I got some money. After all the only hard thing was the ditch digging, and the boss screaming "GET OFF YOUR VUM AND VORK!" and "ARE YOU VORKING?! I DON'T THINK SO, SO GET VORKING!".
6/04/2008
Vork!
6/03/2008
Crashes
He's coming after you!
In-In-Out
1. Both have something to do with this post.
2. The hamburger is my dream hamburger.
One day I was driving my nice expensive car through town listening to The Boondocks when I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw In-In-Out-Out. I decided I would go talk to the manager about it, and see if he wouldn't fix it so it would say In-In-Out. When I turned into the parking lot I noticed a bunch of cars coming straight towards me! I decided to file a complaint to the manager right away. Boy was that an adventure, I honked and honked at those dummy ding dongs who came at me like a wave after a little boy, but they kept coming this time with their cars screaming war quotes, and the drivers saying words I think where made from a different Continent. Anyway I put the pedal to the metal and stopped just in front of a gang bangers messy car, I smiled at him and he leaned out of his car and screamed at me, I didn't exactly know what to do so I spat on his face and gave him a cute smile all the while changing my car into reverse.
When the ganger got out of his car I decided I might need to start backing up, I waited and then...SCREECH! right when the ganger lifted his leg for a blow at my nice car I put the pedal to the metal making the guy miss and with his legs momentum he flew up into the air and I watched him flap his arms and gain altitude (strangely that was after he looked down). I never saw the guy after that but every now and then I see a man walking around on the moon...hmmm I wonder.
Anyway I forgot to lift my foot off the pedal and backed up into a cow who was eating a donut in his car, hitting him at 60mph. After that I quickly looked at my gear stick and saw it was on R, perfect! "Race" that was what I needed, or that is what I thought I needed to get away from the cow dude. I immediately put the pedal to the metal but the car strangely didn't move except maybe a foot or two backwards.
I decided the only thing I could do was apologize since my car broke and wouldn't go forward. When I lifted the cow dudes roof and peeked into his tiny car that only my arm could fit into I could only see lots of ketchup and a bony hamburger that was pretty tall. I immediately brought it into In-In-Out to have some cheese thrown on. Good hamburger except for the bones.
Well anyway my name is DougJ not Fastj anymore and I live in Germany, please make sure this information does not reach the police forces, for private reasons.
-Dougj
6/02/2008
Snazzy Wazzy Get To The Point Post
Ok, I'll get to the point. What is it that I shall type next? that is what I am getting to the point about, so hold your horses I'm getting to the point....Uh, you guys made me forget. Oh yes that was it, ok, I'll get to the point, if you haven't noticed that is what I have been trying to do! so stop interrupting me.
Ok, so what I was about to say, the point is, notice I say point not pint since that is a measuring figure. Ok, so now if you'll be patient, no, not like a doctors patient but the patient where you're, ya know, no?, yes?, oh...you want me to get to the point ok.
Since this is a get to the point post then I'll get to the point. The golden sentence you have been waiting for, no, not the jail kind of sentence!!! this kind. UH is a...you made me forget again! I got halfway through the sentence and you made me FORGET! wait, you're the reader who is most likely wishing they had a jamba juice in their hand, so you (the reader) can't be making me forget...or can you? that is the question, which believe it or not, will be debated over the years.
So what was it that came after "UH is a..." that is the thing I need to remember. This is getting kinda long and you want to know what UH is so I will get to the point, since that's what I first set out to do. So this is the end of the post since I am going to get to the point. So since your starting to cry about its ending then I will make it a little longer for you. Aren't I so nice? I agree I could make a good Boot camp commander.
UH is a big hot dog inside a bun just without the hot dog and only the bun. Which reminds me of my adventure at In-In-Out, but that's for another time...
Make sure you check back soon for the Adventure At In-In-Out,
Get to the point at all times!
Fastj