3/21/2008
The Lion Times
Dear Readers,
We joyfully (well only two thirds of us anyway) announce The Lion Times, a blog about the life of Roar, Screech, and Chimp.
It costs $1 to join and another $3 a year, so please send it to us at:
Fast J
PO Box 185
Clements, CA 95227
We also need you to give us your email address.
(Generous donations accepted!) we also accept any comments.
3/20/2008
Of House and House Appliances Beating me up, part 2
After the little fight I had with Chair and Rug, I was purty jumpy all that day. All for nothing. So I decided that it must have been just a one day thing. WRONG! The next day was when it started, VERY early, 1:00am to be exact, well actually 1:01:39am to be TOTALLY exact. I was sleeping peacefully, dreaming of a house that had no furniture in it, when, to my surprise, my bed collapsed! I was instantly awake because when the bed collapsed one of the bed's ribs, or slats, decided to break at an angle, making a spear point that enjoyed jabbing into my back like a mountain into a cloud. I bit my tongue to keep from hollering out of pain and anger, hoping I could fight this battle to the end.
I headed into this fight like a mad dog. Head first, I plunged into the the middle of the mess, succeeding only in burrowing halfway through my sheets and the bed's ribs. Good enough for me. Punching and kicking, I broke Bed's ribs one after another. The movement of my arms and legs succeeded in getting me stuck in the sheet, and I was half suffocating because of it.
For half an hour I punched and kicked, until finally I was wrapped like a burrito, and then...SHATTER! Mom and Dad came running into my room and saw a sheet wriggling around on a collapsed bed. They succeeded in getting me out of the sheet, and I took in the situation right away. The shatter had been made by the window next to my bed. It appeared that my feet had broken it. Even though I hadn't fought this battle to the finish, I was happy to leave the battle field partially intact.
Stay tuned for the next "Of House and House Appliances Beating me up" and find out what happens at dinner.
3/13/2008
Scary...
WARNING:This will scare you...make sure you have a belt on, and put rubber bands on your socks because...THIS WILL SCARE YOU OUT OF YOUR PANTS & SOCKS!
Scary...
So I was walking inside a clothing&junkfilled room. Which is a room filled half way to the roof with junk, clothes, trash, last year's comics, etc. Also called "A BOY'S BEDROOM."
When all of a sudden I heard creak...SNAP! WHACK! I immediately dove into the clothes with a loud SMACK! I didn't know it at the time, that there was under the dirt/paint smeared shirt an old remote control car which I hit at 100mph, creating the following. OUCH!, THE PAIN!, WHAT SHALL I DO?!.
Once I was done yelling, I proceeded to hide under the shirt and some old long-johns, in an attempt to escape from the noise I had heard. When I was hidden what does luck bring! a nicely polished airsoft gun.
Now all I needed were some of the airsoft pistols ammunition which I found in the back pocket of some jeans. Now that I had a pistol I felt very brave so I jumped up at a 3o degree angle spiraling into space while shooting in every direction! sadly this slurr of events ended in a happy ending not the type my fellow writers like to read.
It just happened that the creaking sound I heard was my mom walking down our hallway and when she heard me hit the car she stopped listened for a while, and decided the words she heard being sputtered and muttered weren't from any a kid of hers! but then again on second thought...
Yea I have a ice pack on my head right now, but thats a happy ending compared to what most moms would have done right?
-fast j
PS:Does airsoft pellets getting shot at you two feet away hurt that bad mom?