Of house and house appliances beating me up, part 3

Even though I had slept in my parents' room, I did not get any sleep the rest of the night, mainly because my brain nerves were at my feet, and my feet nerves were at my brain.The minute the sun was up, my nerves were in their correct places, although they were very nervous. Walking to my dresser, I didn't know if it was my imagination or not, but the rug seemed to be crinkled up like so many speed bumps to trip me. I peeked into to my room and, except for a foot deep of clothes and trash, the coast was clear. I walked boldly up to my dresser, knelt down and reached for my pant drawer.

It just so happened that my face was directly in front of my sock drawer. Sock Drawer pushed out with all her force and rammed against my face, mainly my nose. Of all the furniture, upon later reflection, she was the one who had the best sock. I was about to get into a fight with her when I decided to grab a strong stick and spank her. I figured that if she was smart enough to time her socks right, she was smart enough to know why I spanked her. I pulled her out of her socket and grabbed up a stick. Mercilessly, I whacked her ten hard times. I heard a faint squeak my first whack, and by the time I was to my tenth she was groaning and screaming her loudest, which was in itself punishment to me. The rest of the day doors swung out and hit me whenever I walked by them, coffee tables and chairs banged my knees and toes, and rugs tripped me.

That night at dinner, the table collapsed onto my lap, broke the chair I was sitting on, and pinned me to the ground while the chair whacked me with its legs. Mom and Dad rescued me, and I was rushed to the hospital with a broken leg and fractured skull.

Teacher

The last day of school is a happy time for everyone, especially the teacher. It just so happened that every year I, a teacher, was always the first one out the door. That day was the day I taught the kids most. I would start out by saying, "Now kids, for today I am going to tell you all about the best summer vacation sites, the best hunting grounds, and the best way to make a slingshot!" All the kids would cheer at this, because usually I told them stories of my childhood and life lessons I had learned. All the kids liked having me as a teacher. I suppose because I have better stories than all the other teachers. Anyway, I am always the first one out of the classroom on the last day of school.
One time, much to my surprise, a teeny weeny kid beat me to the door! I was horrified! I knew I was slowing down when that happened. I had to do something about it. The very next day I went to the gym and got a membership, yes, that was my plan. Workout everyday, especially running and jumping. That whole summer was a summer of relentless working out...I ran 10 miles a day, and 2 miles of that run I ran while I jump roped, and another 3 miles was jumping over logs while a ran. Soon the torturing summer was over...and school had begun again.
Now, I had made another training plan for during school, so that I wouldn't get out of shape. I would race to the door everyday! Yup, jumping over chairs and desks, then running helter skelter with the kids would surely train me well. Okay, forget everything I've said. I wasn't training for the last day of school, I was training for long distance hurdling in the Olympics. What better way to train then to turn an everyday event into a training session? Okay, so maybe running from where I was standing to the door is not very far...but I had trained all that summer, remember? Okay, I know I told you to forget everything I had said, but you can remember some.
I did end up winning the last day in school, but I didn't win the Olympics...oh well. I did not tell anyone I went to the Olympics, that way I wouldn't be embarrassed if I didn't win, and it would be a nice surprise for everyone if I did! Okay, I know what you're thinking. They would see my name on the screen and know it was me, right? Wrong! Hehehehe! I changed my name! Hehehehe! And, by the way, China is a nice place. Yes, I am writing my memoirs here...about before I went to the Beijing Olympics...now everyone knows it is me who lost...oh well. And now my memoirs are ended!
Goodbye. Thanks for wasting your time to read this! Hope you enjoyed it!

The Empty Head Series #3

In the last episode Empty Head was in the middle of Africa with African tribes roaming every where. Empty Head had found a airplane and was searching for anything useful inside the plane.



Burned my face on something hot. After I finished screaming I started to feel around in the dark for something useful. BAAAAW! HAAAAAAHOB! I looked to my left and saw a dark red scaly body lift itself onto its five legs, then it yelled again a terror of a scream BLAAAAF!



I was frozen staring at its bright green eyes, when it sprayed one of its really hot acids from its mouth. I was burnt into life by the burning acid, and dove out of the plane (it took me ten minutes to find my way out in the dark) then I looked back to see a big inflatable deformed dragon held up by two teenagers come flying out of the airplane with a pepper spray bottle in one of the teenagers hand.



So sure I might have exaggerated with the scaly skin and all but who cares, well at least I don't really care, that is, not really. Anyway I got down to business right away, and found out not all teenagers are slow.

A tribe I ran into said that they had never seen Dash (from The Incredibles) in real life! so I stopped and I told them: Well you will have to admit that in your small, smelly, ugly, disgusting, rude, mean, stupid, horrible, diaper country you don't see 'humans' very much, well that is humans that don't look like animals.

What a weird sight! me chasing the two teenagers, the tribe chasing me and a crowd on horseback cheering us on! that's not what was really weird, the weird part was that we where going faster then the people on horseback!

Martinez Bay Front Crit.