Of House and House Appliances Beating me up, Series

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

The Lion Times

Dear Readers,
We joyfully (well only two thirds of us anyway) announce The Lion Times, a blog about the life of Roar, Screech, and Chimp.

It costs $1 to join and another $3 a year, so please send it to us at:
Fast J
PO Box 185
Clements, CA 95227

We also need you to give us your email address.
(Generous donations accepted!) we also accept any comments.

Of House and House Appliances Beating me up, part 2

After the little fight I had with Chair and Rug, I was purty jumpy all that day. All for nothing. So I decided that it must have been just a one day thing. WRONG! The next day was when it started, VERY early, 1:00am to be exact, well actually 1:01:39am to be TOTALLY exact. I was sleeping peacefully, dreaming of a house that had no furniture in it, when, to my surprise, my bed collapsed! I was instantly awake because when the bed collapsed one of the bed's ribs, or slats, decided to break at an angle, making a spear point that enjoyed jabbing into my back like a mountain into a cloud. I bit my tongue to keep from hollering out of pain and anger, hoping I could fight this battle to the end.
I headed into this fight like a mad dog. Head first, I plunged into the the middle of the mess, succeeding only in burrowing halfway through my sheets and the bed's ribs. Good enough for me. Punching and kicking, I broke Bed's ribs one after another. The movement of my arms and legs succeeded in getting me stuck in the sheet, and I was half suffocating because of it.
For half an hour I punched and kicked, until finally I was wrapped like a burrito, and then...SHATTER! Mom and Dad came running into my room and saw a sheet wriggling around on a collapsed bed. They succeeded in getting me out of the sheet, and I took in the situation right away. The shatter had been made by the window next to my bed. It appeared that my feet had broken it. Even though I hadn't fought this battle to the finish, I was happy to leave the battle field partially intact.

Stay tuned for the next "Of House and House Appliances Beating me up" and find out what happens at dinner.

Scary...

WARNING:This will scare you...make sure you have a belt on, and put rubber bands on your socks because...THIS WILL SCARE YOU OUT OF YOUR PANTS & SOCKS!





Scary...

So I was walking inside a clothing&junkfilled room. Which is a room filled half way to the roof with junk, clothes, trash, last year's comics, etc. Also called "A BOY'S BEDROOM."

When all of a sudden I heard creak...SNAP! WHACK! I immediately dove into the clothes with a loud SMACK! I didn't know it at the time, that there was under the dirt/paint smeared shirt an old remote control car which I hit at 100mph, creating the following. OUCH!, THE PAIN!, WHAT SHALL I DO?!.

Once I was done yelling, I proceeded to hide under the shirt and some old long-johns, in an attempt to escape from the noise I had heard. When I was hidden what does luck bring! a nicely polished airsoft gun.

Now all I needed were some of the airsoft pistols ammunition which I found in the back pocket of some jeans. Now that I had a pistol I felt very brave so I jumped up at a 3o degree angle spiraling into space while shooting in every direction! sadly this slurr of events ended in a happy ending not the type my fellow writers like to read.

It just happened that the creaking sound I heard was my mom walking down our hallway and when she heard me hit the car she stopped listened for a while, and decided the words she heard being sputtered and muttered weren't from any a kid of hers! but then again on second thought...

Yea I have a ice pack on my head right now, but thats a happy ending compared to what most moms would have done right?

-fast j

PS:Does airsoft pellets getting shot at you two feet away hurt that bad mom?

Going Gunners

NO! does that mean blood shed?...no funny posts?...NO FASTJ TO POST!?...does that mean we aren't safe here!?...NO, NO, NO.

Don't panic, don't scare, you wont die, you wont fry, so don't you cry, or you'll have to say bye bye.

We wont die, so you wont cry, now don't you say bye bye, because we'll cry, while you fry, in the sty.

All that's happening is that we are standing at the point of death...or the point of a gun, you can choose. Ok, its a picture...AH! it just shot...there's blood!...oops sorry that was the ketchup on the hamburger that just spilled onto my lap.

Alright thats not what this post is about, its supposed to tell you we are just going Gunners (pictures of air soft guns).

We have done one already for your enjoyment so...ENJOY!

Going Green PLEASE FIX AND DONT PUBLISH

Help us with saving the TREES! by going green. Try listening to them plead for help, listening to them screech in pain, listening to them mourn for the dead, and yell at us for killing THEM! listining to them yell HELP! HELP! HELP! see if that doesn't stir up a fight inside yourself for them.

So now reapeat after me THEY AREN'T OUR ENIEMIES, reapeat THEY AREN'T OUR ENIEMIES. 'Also we would like to give you a really big nudge in the right direction' (but this sometimes knocks people off their feet, but mostly it usally ends up knocking me off my feet; it always depends on 'little guy', and 'big guy').

-HELP BY GOING GREEN,

Fastj