THE CITIZEN DAWG

Hi there!

My name is Ivan. I am a citizen dawg. I don’t care about the (shouldn't say), the (i shouldn't say) and the…stupid ppl (I repeat myself a lot), just so long…NOBODY TOUCHES ME AND MY DOGGIE BED! Ya, I live the highlife…the fast lane…the, rich spuds…they’re all mine. Well me and my Doggie Sleep’a we go back a long way………….

“ZzZzZzZzZ *Snort* ZzZzZzZ *Snurple* ZzZzZzZ *Huh?*” I perked my ear. Footsteps were coming my way. My owner sayed:

“ Now ya be good now Snurky ya hear?”

“Sure thing boss” Whenever my boss told me to be good it meant he was leaving.

“Bye now Snurky!” ya whatever.

““ZzZzZzZzZ *Snort* ZzZzZzZ *Snurple* ZzZzZzZ *Huh?*” I heard him shut the door.

Awe! Sweet mama! Less see whats in the fridge…huh? PICKLES! Blugghhhh! Ok I is eating fastfoos tonight!

“Hmmmm dis alley has always been good to me!” I commenced to eat the rest of the chicken wings I found in the knocked over trash can.

“MEOW!”

“Here kitty kitty! Just one bite please, I aint askin’ much!” u see there was this cat dat was trying to get me rightful chicken wing’s an’ I planned on putting him in his rightful spot…in me tummy.

“MEOWWW!”

!@#$%^&*()@#$%^&^%$%^&**&^!!!!!!!

I tucked me tail and retreated to a more strategic spot…the house. The victor didn’t take advantage of my reeTWEAT!

“Hmmm, Nice birdie, Nice birdie” I spotted a bird on the porch by my doggie door.

!@#$%^&*()!@#$%^&*()!!!!!!!!!!!

I dove back through my doggie door. Theres alot mur to cats and birds than at first site, huh?

 

 

In doggie slober,

Cannon

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So I said I would....

Post....
Change the template....
Make more polls....
Be more loyal to my readers....

AND YOU MY READERS SAID!

You would comment....
You would become followers...

SO if my readers do that then I will post....as a starter I want 2 comments on this post.

Also, if you want my newsletter go to membership and in settings you can sign up.

Regards,
Fastj

The New FastjHumor, FJ!

Fastj here,

Just want to update my fans on whats been going on.

The board (also bored) of directors have taken the blog down and edited it. New look, new Sshnazz, and MORE posts....STARTING NOW. So happy Birthday FJ! Hang ten, break a leg, and c'ya 'round!

FJ,
Only member of the Bored of Directors.

Me and My Ideas......

You might be surprised that a 12yr old does NOT have a cell phone. I have come up with a few scenarios that prove to my *cough* “people in charge of buying me a cell phone” that a cell phone is very much needed. Well actually an iPhone to be exact. Here is my first scenario:

I am driving along minding my own business when I am pulled over.

Cop: “What are you doing driving?”

Me: “Oh nothing really just minding my own business.”

Cop: “You’re not even a teenager and you don’t even have a license!!!”

Me: “Well did you know there are a ton of illegal immigrants out there without licenses?”

In this instance I would whip out my cell phone and call child abuse. A cop is actually about to handcuff me!!!! Now here is my second scenario:

I am walking along and I step in gum…Quick! I must do a Twitter update!

Here is another scenario:

I am really bored and so I duct tape my foot to my face and my arms to my legs. But if I had had an iPhone I would have whipped it out and start playing Papi River Jump or Cube Field :)

Well now that I review my reasons I think I better keep my peace or I will look like a fool. Oh well. Epic Fail.

What I wrote for a essay when I was 10!!!

McManus: Rubber Legs and White Tail Hairs

This book has approximately 198 pages. It has 26 chapters, giving it a 7.615384615 average of pages per chapter. The author makes each chapter a little story, so in the long run I should write: Each story has 7.615384615 pages. I am giving you all this data so you can, in your head, imagine the length and capacity of each story. Now of course this is not very accurate given account that the recorded data is the average of the stories. This means if every page has 100 words then the first two chapters could be, five pages and fifty three words, and one page and forty seven words. This is an example of course as the book may, or may not have an average of 100 words a page. This, if you still follow me, should give you the answer as to why the data is not accurate in the term of every chapter is 7.615384615. Thank you for reading, and have a good headache!

Jonathan A. Christensen,

U.S.A provider in headaches,

Sponsored by the headache medicine co,

And providing the U.S.A with satisfactory headaches.