No Chewing back then

This may come as quite a shock to some, but it is the truth. Some of you may be up on history. Some of you may not be up on history. Those of you who are up on history need not read this. Those of you who are not up on history should.
Quite a long time ago (long before any of you whippersnappers were even named), actually, about 500 years ago, there was a tribe of outlaw Indians. One of the Indians was named Kawachukeenugee (Kaw-Wa-Chew-kee-Nuegee). His name was Kaw, for short. In the whole world, there was no such thing as chewing a meal. Oh, yes, people did have teeth. But instead of chewing, people would just suck on their food until it was soggy enough to swallow, or three designated times a day, they would go to the river and dunk their food in the water. There was one other efficient way to eat the food without chewing. Twice a day, a woman of the village would start grinding food in a big tub at one end of the village. With a rock in one hand, and a wide stick except for the handle in the other, she reduced food into crumbs small enough to swallow.
One day, an amazing thing happened that would either diminish Kaw into non-existence, or raise him as an idol to the village, or do neither. In any case he saved us from having to eat that way. On that particular day, Kaw, as usual with the other men who came in from the field, was hungry. Well, Kaw was UNUSUALLY hungry, to be precise. When he was given his plate of food that was untreated thus far, he had the choice to have it ground by the Woman, or dunk it in the river, or suck it. Today, he decided to dunk it in the river. The river was the furthest away, but it was also the fastest.
As he was dashing down to the river, he was overcome by a wave of starvation. He reached down to grab a piece of chicken, and he thrust it in his mouth. Because he was running, his jaws went CHOMP! and cut the chicken in half. Soon, after he found out he could cut the chicken in half with his teeth, he was going CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! Everyone beheld this glorious feat. Some thought he was a witch and should be dealt with accordingly, and beheaded. Some thought he was a god, and should be honored. Before either of these plans could be carried out, however, a wiser group tried to chew. And you know what? IT WORKED!!!! Well, that pretty much settled the issue. All around the world this event was spread, more and more people adopted the chewing method, and that is the history behind chewing.

Ice cream mistakes #1

Never ever eat ice cream by the fire.

Never eat out of a dish that just came out of the dish washer.

Never have vanilla ice cream outside unless there are no birds around.

Never put it in the refrigerator, put it in the freezer.

Never put it in oven to heat it up.

Never take it backpacking (done it, too messy).

Never mistake your mint chocolate chip ice cream for dirty vanilla ice cream. If you do, don't put it in the washer.

Never think that cold ice cream just needs to be zapped.

And the moral of this post is NEVER do nevers.

The Empty Head Series #2

To those who care I did not end up finishing the cleaning I started, due to my starting a fire.

Here is how it happened,

When I got my duffle bag I went straight back to the bathroom, and with a stubbed toe (due to the fact a most ironic fight had taken place over who got in to the bathroom next, I had to kick my way in) I was back in my fortress with my mission coming along perfectly.

Since I had my duffle bag again that meant I also had matches, so I dug into the bottom of my duffle bag, got my matches, and poured my cleaning mixture into my shoe, lighted a match, caught a shoelace on fire and while my cleaning mixture boiled inside my shoe I began telling myself how proud I was of me.

Every one please make an orderly exit (that was the pilot on the really loud speaker, and he meant it. even if exiting did mean getting squashed.) if you have not caught on to what happened, I would like to move on so I will just say, fire alarm, panic, explosion, and the rest that comes from mistakes on a plane.

Those who want to move on like me may now start having their wish fulfilled. I survived by a miracle of passing out in mid-air, landing on another plane that was 1,000 feet under the explosion and again having my face rearranged to a look similar to this. so now my face was more like my regular one.

When I woke up I found some African tribe poking me with sticks and making me bleed…but first, before I get to far I think I should skip back 30 minutes.

When I had landed on the plane I had made a big dent. When the planes crew saw the dent they did not freak out but the pilot seeing it got scared and yanked his hands off the steering wheel dived for the door of the airplane and jumped. You might wonder why he got scared, and it is still unknown why he acted so. not even the crew knows. Thus the plane free from steering swirled out of control sending me sky high.

Also he landed in a muddy marsh that wasn’t much of a landing spot but it saved his life. Or maybe not because in less than 28minutes a tribe came along, and after protesting as of this kind, screeching, screaming, and yelling out in pain they stopped poking me with sticks covered their ears and ran.

I followed within a 200 yard radius in hope of them leading me to a town, so I hid when there where trees, crawled when there where not, and getting on my feet when there was a marsh. Traveling this way the left me behind like a horse would a ant. Whoee, whooee, whoee, I looked at where the sound came and noticed a crashed plane in the middle of a marsh, with what was left of a crew.

I decided to check it out, and take anything that Is useful, Oh no readers Not STEAL just TAKE. I ended up having to enter through the window since the door was jammed and once in I felt around and found another door and so I entered that and tripped smashed my fragile body on the floor and then.

Tune In Soon For Empty Head Series #3

Elimination

The Spike Show Elimination :(.

The Empty Head Series Booster!

I dedicate this song (which can be read as a poem) to all the little poor cheerios who have suffered like this little cheerio:

I thought I was brave, I thought I was a hero,

& then I found out, that I was only a cheerio,

Soon eaten up by Time,

With others of my kind,

Soon swimming in Milk,

And swallowed in one Gulp.

I hope by this time, all of you faithful readers are now pitying the poor cheerios that some of you eat every morning!!! I have started a petition against eating cheerios. If you want to be added to the list of names, please write in your comment box “Petition” & then sign your name to help the poor cheerios. At the end of this month, February, we will put the list of names up on our blog.

Making a stand against eating helpless cheerios,

No Belly Button

Skiing:The Rails

That might be a boring title but, to some that's like music in their ears and, whats in this post actual happened. :(

To some seeing a rail ahead would be terrifying but to me it wasn't, and as mischief lighted into my eyes I made an evil laugh that sounded like a snicker... BAR!, ok well that didn't happen and this is supposed to be a humor blog not a scary story blog.


Hey yo Jon, bet you to sissy to go on yo rail, HEY! don't pay attention to Dick, he is just a mean old section of your brain. (this is a discussion between Dick and Bill whose nicknames happen to be non conscience and plain old conscience) so of course I would hate to break my promise with myself that I would never do anything that was not showing off (very stupid of me) and, as I am still a beginner on rails, I ended up having the worst of all the embarrassments in history! But you will find out what happens on the rail when I am ready for you to know.

So, what is a good way to go on a rail? well I don't think my way is no sir ree it sure ain't!

-fastj community


PS:the next series wont tell you what happened either. :) or for some :( or some would think that I am ;)