I humor myself...

Did you click on "this" in the last post more than once?...if you did you lost! this was a pop contest SO....Beware! there are more to come.

if you did not click on "this" more than once you are a Novice level on my blog and if you have commented five times on my blog and have read everything on my blog including date.time.and who posted it and did not click on "this" more than once you are a Novice level 2.


~posted by fastj and permissions slip signed by the invariability novelty inc.

don't click on this disappointment guaranteed. :(

My favorite Yogi Berra quotes

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Yogi Berra

Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken.

Yogi Berra


Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
Yogi Berra

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
Yogi Berra

It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.
Yogi Berra


Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.
Yogi Berra

The only color I don't have is navy brown.
Yogi Berra

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
Yogi Berra

confuison in a nutshell

A started talking to M and then M had to leave so J took over for M. Later, M came over and she copied and pasted A's and J's conversation because she thought it was perfect blog stuff.

J (as M): pardon cant hear the kids are being noisy

what did you say?

A: who is this?

i didn't say anything

J: ME!

who do you think it is?

A: J?

or A?

or N?

or J?

or D?

J:this is me and this is my name M!!!

Incoming call from A Christensen at 10:26 AM on Monday

Call from A Christensen missed at 10:26 AM on Monday

J: ignore

Incoming call from A Christensen at 10:26 AM on Monday

Call from AChristensen missed at 10:26 AM on Monday

Aanswer the call and let me hear ur voice!

J: ignore

NO!

that will give it away

Tis M i tell ya

A: see!

it's not M

J: is to

A: riiiiiight

J: IS TO!

A: IS NOT

i don't have time for this

it's midnight

J: ask me a question

is it really midnight?

A: and i need to go print the pic of my sari

what's your birthdate

J: ok

bye

i do math

A: haha

it's no mom

if it were,

u would tell me urr

birthdate

J: 1997

ooops thats mine

ahhhhhhhhh

NO! oh NO!

got to go

bye

ttyl

A: that's fine

b/c i need to go now, too

bye!

J: its __m_y_n_a_m_e_

1997!!!

im 10

A: ha!

that's not M's bday

i really g2g now

love u!

J: ok

A: see u in less than 3 weeks

bye
!

J: see ya

have fun sleeping

its M now

do you mind doing something for me?

that is buy J something over $3.oo that would be coooooooool!!

A: what is it?

this is J again

good grief

J: or $300

A: i'm already planning on buying u something that's over $2

J: i like the $300

do that

A: put the dough in my account, J, and we'll see what we can do about it

savvy?

(real M comes to talk and A wont believe it's M)

M (as M): hi this is M.....was J messing with you?

A: yes

is this really M?

i will call to hear ur voice

Incoming call from A Christensen at 10:36 AM on Monday

is your office always in havoc if so click on the thing below

click on the thing just below

Self pity

do you feel like the victim [you can hear the victim song at your local blogspot] well just kiddin you have to go to funnycoolnotes
do you think nobody cares? well have we got the comic for you!

12 reasons i dont brush my teeth

1.they get dirty again

2.it is a wast of money to buy the equipment

3.i cant wait to get denchers they are so sweetly awesome!

4.i would not have anything to wright about

5.you cant buy time and brushing teeth just wastes time

6.black is my favorite color

7.i have an excuse for taking a lot of Altoids

8.i earn money from the tooth ferry!

9.i am against eating fingernails and without teeth you cant eat them!

10.i stay up till when i want to sleep i just drop on the ground without having to brush my teeth

11.my dentist has already given up on me and if i brush my teeth my dentist might think there is a chance of brain washing me into thinking that brushing teeth is good

12.i already started a group that is called we don't brush teeth and the rules are of what follows.

rule one.
if you become traitor we (the people in my group) will yank all your teeth you got left out grandpa style (which is tying a noose over the traitors teeth then with another rope tie them to a tree then with the noose that is attached to their teeth tie the other end to a tractor and then have someone drive the tractor at half an mph)

rule two.
not made

The civil war Part 2

After mucking stalls cheddar had to go dig trenches around the camp then after half an hour cheddar had to stop because the Rebels where in sight.


As soon as cheddar saw the rebels he jumped toward the trench he had made.
------------------------------------------he got shot so i guess that ends this series of stories.

We know what your doing right now!!!

You are reading this GOT YA!!!

We know if your on the Internet

you are on the Internet GOT YA AGAIN!!!

We know the time on your clock right now

10am-8:30pm GOT YOU AGAIN!!!

How to talk like a whale by Dory

Lesson 2

The easy lesson

Please read the conversation of whale talk below & if you understand it that will be all for today if you don't understand it then keep rereading it until you do.

Dory:Hiiiiiiiii misteerrrrrrrrr.whaleeeee

Whale:Hiiiiiiii thereeeee mississsss.doryyyyyy hoowww areee youuuu

Dory:Gooooooddd assssss newwwwwww


next lesson wont be as hard.

The civil war

Report too Sargent Billy Bob in five minutes.

What does he want at 9am? said the man who had been woken up (his name is Cheddar).

If you want to know so badly then go to him NOW! said the man standing who told him to report to the Sarge (whose name is cheese).

Ok I am going but it is sooooo early.

once Cheddar got to the Sargent's tent they had the conversation recorded below.

Billy bob:Howdy Cheddar how are you?

Cheddar:Very tired why ya need me so early

Billy:I want you to go muck horse stalls

Cheddar:Yuck

Billy:Just deal with it

Cheddar:But why so early?

Billy:so that its not too hot!

Cheddar:WHY CANT SOMEONE ELSE!!!

Billy:GO DO IT NOW AND THEN REPORT BACK FOR A BIG PUNISHMENT!!!!

Sorry to leave you guys hanging on a hook but this is a part of a series (and for real l have to go muck horse stalls).

NO MORE!

You who commented that REALLY BAD COMMENT MUST STOP! reading my blog, if you don't use bad WORDS! you can read my blog and comment mean things AS LONG AS YOU DON'T USE BAD WORDS and this goes for everyone.

Why cant your template stay the same?

I don't know how to explain that but...I think I might be kinda able to.
If you love adventures like this blog does (Ok maybe not that much of a adventures lover but still liken adventures) then I am sure you will understand but for you who aren't the world hasn't ended I can still kinda explain so read on.
Ok now I think we must do some math to help figure this out.
If M=I and S=C plus H and they altogether equal the number 9 then go down the alphabet to the ninth letter and you get I and if I=4 then as the rhyme goes for the number 4"Mr.four why cant you ever be nice and stop fighting" then l guess we can do the following 9-4=5 so again go down the ABCs and what do we get we get E so now if E=1 then it is safe to add it to the 5 we have dangling around to the 1 because the rhyme for 5 goes like this"5 always adding to its number"so now its safe to do the following 5+1=6 so now we go down the ABCs again and get F so now we add our words together because the rhyme for six goes like this "little ducky number 6 has stopped because he is the sixth"now to get back to what I was saying we can add the words together and now we get mischief which=what we did (or we are just plain loving adventures).

if you want the rhymes of all the letters up two twelve just email us at fastjhumor@gmail.com.

Water cold water so what if its hotter its still water.

Ice water hot water so fun to gurgle.

So yummy not even funny.

So what if its hotter its still water.


Please don't say this was a bad post even tho it is but it was not my writing that made it bad l just didn't spend much time on it and didn't even try to hard to make it rhyme l just wanted to wright a post so l could have comments to read (l prefer nice comments but if its bad l will still imprecate the comment even tho l asked you not to).

How to Talk Like a Whale by Dory

Lesson One - The Basics

Rule 1: When talking like a whale, be sure to make the last word really long.

Example: Hiiii, hooowwwww, aaaarrrrreeeeee yooouuuuuuu doooooiiiiiinnngggggggggggg?

Translation: Hi, how are you doing?

Another thing to keep in mind while talking like a whale is not to use the following:

! @ # $ % ^ & * ( )

Lessons to be continued.



This post was written by shark tooth vs. unrivaled humor and posted by adrialien.

l did not post this um Comment please hello any body here bye COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! Hello any one here bad post please dont ask who did this l hope you got my POINT.

Trampoline Tragedy

Snow

Snow is a white puffy thing that falls from the sky and then you ski on it I like it so much that I made a song about it which is posted below.



SNOW
First verse
Snow snow oh wonderful snow ski on it
fall on it eat it stomp on it.

Second verse
Snow is falling we are going we are going
to tooooo the slopes oh yea three feet deep
oh so sweet.

Third verse
We are posting and we are skiing and we are
beating Unrivaled humor oh yea lets go skiing.

macaroni in cheese

what is macaroni in cheese? that is the Question every body would like to know.

A picture is posted above so you may have a idea of how it looks and I also wrote down the quality below.

1.It is the number one food for CA.

2.In every single picture it looks better then meat.

The only problems for macaroni in cheese is listed below.

1.It takes long to cook.

2.Its greasy.

Here is a little side note.
Thanks to onfire I have noticed that unrivaled humor has (according to their comments) lost the war.

Pencil

How Pencil was made

Pencil developed after 2 billion years. It is what experts in evolution say evolved from a million flies that were squished, and all the guts from a mile around after time formed pencil. We call it pencil because we think that it would honor the flies who made it by sacrificing themselves because Mother Nature told them to.

What pencil does

If you want to see what pencil does, you must buy paper which is made from trees and to get paper you will need to help protect the trees. But beware! Pencil is dangerous because there is something called "fly poisoning" or nowadays called lead poisoning which you can avoid by not poking your self with it.

If you're interested in seeing what it does you can order pencil and paper at Al Gore Products, Inc.

if you have any suggestions please contact us at fastjhumor@gmail.com

blond joke

---

A blonde was driving home when a guy pulled her over. The guy says, “Get out of the car and stand in this circle or something awful is going to happen to you.”

So, while the blonde is standing in the circle the guy is going through her car and transporting it to his car. Then the blonde started laughing hysterically. The guy asks, "Why are you laughing? The blonde ignores him and he says, “Whatever…” and continues to rob her car.

The blonde starts laughing again. "Why R U laughing again!" She again ignores him. Then just as the guy is about to drive away, the blonde starts laughing a third time

"Ok… that’s it… What’s your problem,” the guy shouts???

"Well, the blonde says, “When you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle three times!

A blow to unrivaled humor.

ok unrivaled humor beat this ha.

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it's to far to walk.

Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: Forty feet of track - all straight!

Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PENguin.

Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claus!

Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!

Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: He wanted to sleep like a log.

Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A: Because every buck is dear to him.

Q: What's a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Welcome

Hey we of the Fastj really are nice (and very funny) but when it comes to business we are right on it so here is what we do.

First off we challenge unrivaled humor to a contest outsiders may vote who is the best writer so here is to the winner!